Bye Bye April

Hey Suckies,


Welcome to another week, April is just about out of here, as if you didn’t know. I am very sorry for telling you that, I sound like a dickhead morning TV host giving you stupid information, stupid shit, shit just to fill time, I hate morning TV, except for channel 9, especially Robin, I really want to take her out and see if she would be interested in sex?

As many of you know, I own a casino on Beaver Island, a giant island in Lake Michigan. This year marks our 5 year anniversary, so we are planning a huge party this 4th of July. Since my buildings are on “Indian” grounds, we will be celebrating with the local Mohawk tribe. In fact, we are recreating a famous English massacre that your kids will not want to miss, lots of scalps and free hotdogs for the little bastards.

The NFL draft is coming and I want you to know you can enjoy our 2017 NFL draft inside our double wide sports trailer. I will be on location and will be signing autographs for 100 dollars, come up, enjoy the action and watch these young dicks get drafted in the NFL.

I was looking at the odds, who is favored to win the NFL Super Bowl this year, let’s start with the Chicago Bears, here are the real odds Vegas has posted:

The Bears have missed the playoffs in nine of 10 years. Their only Super Bowl victory occurred on Jan. 26, 1986. Since Lovie Smith won 10 games in 2012 — and was unceremoniously fired — the Bears’ record is 22-40. Coach John Fox went 3-13 in 2016, so Chicago’s getting 100-1 odds to win Super Bowl LII is kind of generous.

I think I am the only sportscaster who has been yelling to the public, Bear fans, “It’s time this team be sold”

I would love to see the team sold to the public, like the Packers, fans own the team, not some fossil as we now have.

In fact, let me make the current owners an offer, I offer 2 million dollars for the Chicago Bears, cash of course and this offer is good for the next 30 days. I think that is a very fair offer, I know that I can turn this entire franchise around, beginning this year.

If I owned this team, the odds would be much better then 100-1, I would make the playoffs for sure, in fact the odds would be 2-1 if I brought this team, from 100-1 to 2-1, that’s huge.

I also would pay for cheerleaders as well, girls with huge norts, jumping up and down, on a cold Sunday, now that’s Bears football.

Call me and tell me what you think, 312-380-9784, hear your comments on this Friday’s Podcast with Kevin Matthews and crew.

Have a great week, eat me.

Jim Shorts/Sports Director


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