Beaver Damn

Hello Kevheads, Wayne Stutterman here with Jim Shorts for this weeks edition of the Jim Shorts Blog. We have a huge Superbowl party coming up here at the beautiful Beaver Island Casino here in the middle of Lake Michigan. The amount of planning that goes into these events can really drive you crazy. I have been dealing with Jim Shorts co-owner of the Casino, Frank the alcoholic. This guy is nuts but he is my boss I guess. He sure acts like it. I will have all the details ready for announcement in next week’s blog. Jim is yelling at me to go clean the toilets so I will turn the blog over to him……


Hey Suckies:


Well, here we go nothing to do this weekend, everyone is waiting for the Super Bowl and you have one of two feelings, “I Can’t wait” or “Who gives a flying whores ass?” I think I am leaning towards “Flying whores ass” That I’d love to see, a flying whores ass.


Ok, here is what I hate most about waiting for the Super Bowl, watching Good Morning America and all the other shitty morning shows, showing us at home, what to cook for your tailgate party. Yup, some dipshit from the Food Network, cooking outside with these asshole TV douches. I hate morning television, all networks, pure garbage.


I think most of America really could give a rat’s ass about the big dance, only Atlanta and Boston, I think the ratings will be down from last year, everyone wants Atlanta to win, America has had enough of Tom Brady, but not me.


I think I may be gay for Brady, he is a great looking guy and I have dreamed about him farting on my face while pulling on my balls.


I will tell you next week Wednesday who I am picking to win this game, I am putting huge money on one of these two teams and will be all in baby.


I really hope Joe Buck is not calling the Super Bowl, I hate him and I think Joe Buck is even sick of Joe Buck, what a dick.


I really could give a shit about the half time show with Lady Gaga, she wants to perform on the roof of the Houston stadium, it would be funny if she fell to her death with that old dick she is always singing with, Tony Bennett. That I would watch.


No matter what, it will be nice to have this weekend off and do some cleaning around the house, maybe even take the Christmas tree down, it is dry as Betty Whites stink cave, maybe I will take it down in the spring.


I would love to hear who you will be picking and why, call me and leave us voice mail at 312-380-9784. We will air your thoughts Friday on the Kevin Matthews Podcast here at


I personally can’t wait to watch some golf soon, the US Open and even get fired up about spring training and baseball.


I think I will be a Cubs fan again this year, I don’t know why, but I really like the team and the coach, plus Wrigley got a face lift and even installed new urinals, no more big tubs and public dick watching.


Ok, now enjoy the football free weekend, listen to Kevin Matthews and I Friday here at


Eat me,

Jim Shorts


Thank you Jim. Those toilets were terrible. Somebody had a major explosion in there. Remind me to put in a purchase order for a toilet brush. I had to scrape that crap with my fingernails. We also could use some gloves and maybe a janitor. I think Frank the alcoholic is the one that blew chunks in the urinal. Here is the latest news from the Sportsbook at Beaver Island Casino:

The New England Patriots will be looking for their fifth championship while the Atlanta Falcons will be after their first when they clash in Super Bowl 51.

Not surprisingly the Patriots opened as a 3-point favorite at the Bovada sportsbook. New England is on a nine-game winning streak straight up with an 8-1 record ATS. Last week in the AFC Championship Game they took care of the Pittsburgh Steelers 36-17 as a 6-point favorite. Tom Brady had three touchdown passes and Chris Hogan set a new Patriots postseason record with 180 yards and two touchdowns on nine receptions.

Atlanta rolled over the Green Packers 44-21 in the NFC Championship Game as a 6.5-point favorite. Matt Ryan had four touchdown passes and a TD run, while Julio Jones had nine catches for 180 yards and two touchdowns.

With the win over Green Bay the Falcons have won six straight at 5-1 ATS. They’ve also posted eight straight OVER results for totals bettors and 12 OVER results in their last 13 games.

The line right now is favoring the New England Patriots by 3 points and the over/under is now at 59 1/2 points. That is the highest number ever for a Superbowl.

Saturday we have the Senior Bowl and did you know the coaches are picked by having the worst schedule in the NFL. That means Hugh Jackson from the Cleveland Browns will coach the South and the Chicago Bear’s head coach John Fox will coach the North. Put big money on the South.

We have the Pro-Bowl Sunday. What a damn joke. The only people watching this game will be Gamblers and old fucks in a nursing home that can’t reach the remote. Anyhow take the NFC in this pansy game.

I have to go clean my fingernails so I’m going to stop typing now. My keyboard is getting dirty. Follow us on face book at Kevhead Row.

Thanks to everybody at the Steve Dahl Network and to all you Kevheads.

Tune in Friday for the Kevin Matthews Show only at

Wayne Stutterman

(Beaver Island Casino)

(Pit – Boss)

(shitty fingers)


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