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| 5:32
| Yes from lovely downtown Chicago, Illinois, it's the Steve Dahl Show. Featuring the musical stylings of Buzz Kilman and the Orchestra. |
| 5:33
| Last night Steve went to bed when it was light out, like he was a little kid. Someone didn't turn his bedroom light off, it was actually light outside. If the light went out outside that would be bad. |
| 5:34
| Steve went to bed before 9 pm. Steve's family has no respect for his sleep. Janet is sick and won't listen to Steve's advice about what medicine to take. Who else in the family knows more about drugs, street or over the counter? She's taking the stuff that keeps her up all night. |
| 5:35
| And then Matt Dahl is out at the house because he's got a softball game. The boys all have a tendency to slam the door when they come and go so at 10:30 Steve woke up when Matt came home, hammered. |
| 5:36
| It's not even a softball game Steve can participate in. He won't play 16 inch because he's a violinist. The last time Buzz played 16 inch he broke his finger. Does Steve call that his stink finger? |
| 5:37
| Pat and Mike have both broken their fingers playing 16 inch. Matt hasn't yet but he's only played a few games. He's in a league with a bunch of older guys who play in real baseball pants. They're the kind of guys who won't invoke the slaughter rule even if they're up 30-0. |
| 5:38
| Matt let his dog out to run around the house when he got home. So Steve took 6 Advils and then put a pillow over his head to fall asleep. The Advil doesn't do anything, it's just the act of taking something. He also has those headphones that runway guys use at O'Hare. |
| 5:39
| Steve went to bed while it was still light out and woke up a few times but he still got 6 hours and 45 minutes of sleep. That's not counting the 10 or 15 minutes that he was mad because he got woken up. |
| 5:40
| Steve was going to go downstairs and launch into his recitation about how no one cares about him but that never does him any good. It doesn't lead to anything and he's the one who ends up apologizing. |
| 5:41
| Steve shaved this morning because Patrick Bertoletti will be in studio with a camera crew from The Food Network. So now we get to watch smoke come out of Patrick's ears as he tries to explain things. |
| 5:42
| Steve decided to shave and put product in his hair, it's the only way he can compete with Patrick's mohawk. And you know he'll have that think hawked up, it's his trademark. |
| 5:43
| Buzz often sees mohawks around town and he always wonders why. Do you just wake up one day and decide you need a mohawk? Mary likes them, she likes Patrick's and the sound guy from The Nadas also has one. |
| 5:44
| Now Mary's listing people who have mohawks. Steve has unplugged his headphones. Obviously girls like it. It might say to them "Something freaky is going to happen when we take our clothes off. It might scare you but you might like it." |
| 5:45
| Steve feels a lot of those guys can't back it up though. Steve doesn't need a haircut to get that message out. |
| 5:46
| Part of Steve was thinking that maybe Food Network would come in with Bobby Flay and there would be a Throwdown. But what can Steve cook better than Bobby? Then he thought maybe if he was charming enough he'd get to be a judge on Iron Chef America. He likes that female chef, Cat Cora. He knows nothing about her other than that she's cute. |
| 5:47
| So Patrick's coming in, ahead of the Nathan's competition. Steve doesn't have any more information though. You don't get a lot of info when dealing with Patrick. He's supposed to bring Aurellio's in but Steve's not sure why. |
| 5:48
| It is Steve's favorite pizza though and they just opened a new restaurant near him. Although he tried to order the other night and they're "not delivering yet" whatever that means. How can you not be delivering? Put a guy in a car with the pizza and bring it over. |
| 5:49
| The girl who does PR for Aurellio's might have been a producer for Steve and Buzz at The Loop. The only producer Buzz remembers is Greg Solk. So at least Steve can complain to her that he's not getting delivery. Someone should fly his pizza in with a helicopter. |
| 5:50
| Steve doesn't like picking up pizza unless it's on his way home. There's not a lot of parking in downtown LaGrange either. They're not delivering for a week, which Steve said is arbitrary. The girl taking his order didn't know what that meant. |
| 5:51
| Half the fun of ordering pizza is when the delivery guy shows up. Everyone gets very excited in Buzz's house. Steve's dogs start barking and not to protect, they're also excited and they want him to get his stuff together and get his money out. |
| 5:52
| Caller Alex is a young listener. How young 7? 8? Alex is 21 which is still pretty young. Steve hopes we have a lot of young listeners. |
| 5:53
| Alex thinks that girls prefer fauxhawks to mohawks. A fauxhawk is when you don't have the sides of your head, you just pile it up in the middle. He had one in high school and the girls were all over him. He had to give it up though because he joined the Army. |
| 5:54
| Buzz feels that Steve is on his way to a fauxhawk now that he's using product in his hair. Steve's just happy that his hair looks the same at the end of the day as it did in the morning. |
| 5:55
| Steve is almost a metrosexual. He's putting product in his hair and he's moisturizing his legs. Just his legs though, they were scaly. He doesn't mess around with the face or anything. |
| 5:56
| Steve doesn't use chapstick either. All of his boys use it but they have a tendency to leave it in their pockets and then do their laundry. All the boys have to do their laundry at the house, apparently they don't have laundry machines downtown. |
| 5:57
| The boys usually give Janet a sob story about how they don't have change and laundry rooms are dangerous. They don't have anywhere downtown to make change? |
| 5:58
| Alex had a question about the movie theater Matt works at. Actually he just quit over the weekend. Every time Steve and Janet leave town Matt does something they don't want him to do. |
| 5:59
| The last time they left Matt broke up with his girlfriend. Steve didn't really care about that, he's not as invested in the relationship. And in typical Matt Dahl fashion he quits before one of the biggest movie theater weekends of the year. He could have made a ton of money. |
| 6:00
| Matt quit on Friday, probably as soon as Steve and Janet's flight left. He must have been tracking it on Flightstats.com. Steve's only recommendation to parents out there, change the locks! Or blindfold your wife and move and don't tell her where you're going. |
| 6:01
| Alex hopes that never happens to him, he doesn't have enough income at this point. His dad didn't put him through college though. He actually found his way into a career in HVAC, he's working at Underwriters Labs. |
| 6:02
| Ana Belaval from WGN is always out there reporting and she always gets the name wrong. Alex thinks she's hot though. Steve's impression of Ana was ruined thanks to Frijole Joe. |
| 6:03
| He brought her in during Burrito Quest and pitched her as the hottest girl ever. And he didn't bring in a burrito, he brought in Guatemalan fried chicken because he and his girlfriend were doing PR for them. So it was a bad first impression. Plus she brought her husband. |
| 6:04
| Steve wants to know how Alex came to listen to the show. Sometimes he listens to Jack FM and he heard a promo for the show and he thought it was hilarious. He didn't think Jack FM had a talk show. That's your hunting decoy right there. |
| 6:10
| Alright Steve has several options to go with here. Would Buzz like to hear more about the mohawk/fauxhawk? Buzz thinks we should wait until Patrick comes in to explain himself. It's an attention-getting device though. |
| 6:11
| Buzz feels that if someone has a mohawk it doesn't last for very long. It's more of a phase, they come and go. He doesn't really have any friends that have mohawks other than Patrick. He just can't see someone living their whole life with a mohawk. |
| 6:12
| If the mohawk works though you'd probably stick with it. It could be a lifetime commitment, like Buzz's beard. He's snagged some tang with that beard. Buzz thinks it's different, the beard is Americana. The mohawk is Native American. |
| 6:13
| Do we really want to have the mohawk discussion with Patrick? It'll only empower him. Which one of these does Steve read? He's not reading them both. |
| 6:14
| The fauxhawk is 2008's hottest new hairdo. Adam Sandler sported one at a Lakers/Celtics game. K-Fed also has a fauxhawk. Buzz sees it as a popular do. |
| 6:15
| What do you get when you cross Justin with Mr. T? The buzzhawk. Buzz might want to consider that. Diddy and David Beckham are also sporting the buzzhawk. Steve hates Diddy. He's famous for having a goofy name. |
| 6:16
| The buzzhawk shaves the sides complete but leaves a short stripe in the middle. So it's a mohawk but it's not spiked. Is a buzzhawk also a fauxhawk? |
| 6:17
| Caller Chris coaches high school wrestling. YES! Time to disinfect the mats boys, you don't want to get ringworm. The wife gets really mad when you bring that home, you might as well have a VD. |
| 6:18
| A lot of the guys that Chris coaches come in with the fauxhawk but then they shave it down. It's a temporary thing. |
| 6:19
| Steve's tired of talking about fauxhawks now. He only cares about his own hair, which has product in it. It looks fantastic too if he could say so himself. If you're a wrestler, maybe you're not interested in meeting girls. |
| 6:20
| Steve feels that anything that two guys do on a mat that then has to be disinfected is questionable. Buzz doesn't think he should come down that hard on wrestling. Was Buzz a wrestler? Did he ever grab a guy's junk on accident? |
| 6:21
| Alright time for the web poll. Yesterday's question was "Was your name mispronounced at your graduation ceremony?" 43% said yes which is still a lot. |
| 6:22
| Today's question is "Do you use the web to heal your broken heart?" When Dane broke up with his girlfriend he read through old emails she had written him. Why not just go right to imagining her having sex with some new guy? |
| 6:23
| Forget the sentimentality because a break-up is really about some new guy nailing your girlfriend. This guy probably got dumped because he's too sensitive. |
| 6:24
| Dane and his roommate Carol were both going through break-ups and they went to the web for solace. They didn't find it though so they started E-closure.com. |
| 6:25
| E-closure is a website where you can go to talk to other people going through what you're going through and vent about what happened. It might be a good place to pick up some rebound. You'd probably find some girls who just want to have sex. |
| 6:26
| Since it's launch the day before Valentine's day, when Eliot Spitzer got pinched, more than 500 mourning lovers have publicized their grief on the site. Steve's going to check this site out during the break, he wants to see some relationship obits. |
| 6:27
| Steve's on Dahl.com looking at a photo of Patrick Bertoletti shoving something in his face. Steve's sort of getting sick of Patrick, can we take a break from him? His busy season is coming up though and he's on a roll. |
| 6:28
| Steve's supposed to go to Nathan's with Patrick but it has a Craig Gass feel to it. Craig said he got Steve a part as an extra on King of Queens but when he showed up they put him behind a wall. All Craig cared about was that he was nailing the catering girl and getting all the breakfast sandwiches he could handle. |
| 6:33
| Going to E-closure and writing a relationship obit seems like something Pete would do. He might put it in writing but he wouldn't share it. |
| 6:34
| Live read: Walter E. Smithe |
| 6:35
| The Smithe brothers were here yesterday, they're good guys and they're funny. There are 3 of them and that's a funny dynamic, they're like the Marx Brothers. There might be a 4th brother but he's like Zeppo. |
| 6:36
| Steve has some relationship obituaries, they're not really funny though. Buzz is a compulsive advice column reader so he might want to hear them. Buzz has no idea why he reads them though, he can't explain it. |
| 6:37
| Alright here's a quick one for Megan and Alyssa, lesbians! They never should have began in the first place. Things were very intense in the beginning but they were not based in reality. |
| 6:38
| They loved each other but when they brought their interests and personalities together it didn't work. They met on MySpace. Right there Steve can tell you it's not going to work. |
| 6:39
| MySpace is just for sex, right Pete? That's Dr. Pete Zimmerman, gynecologist. Gynecologist probably sounds better than guy who plays funny tapes on the Steve Dahl Show. Although that one might work with the ladies too. Then when they want to meet Steve Pete tells them he's gay, as queer as a $3 bill! |
| 6:40
| Here's one from Theresa and Pete, perhaps our own Pete? She calls him a cheating dog. That's Pete! He's got it going on over there, he's Pimpmaster General. He's also a registered sex offender in the 48 contiguous states. |
| 6:41
| They can't catch him in Hawaii because he's only there for a week at a time and we've never been to Alaska. That's why he never goes out to dinner with the show. |
| 6:42
| Pete and Theresa went to Cowboys games ever year. You'd think they would spell check this thing before posting it. Theresa wasn't the only one though. She probably just changed it from Bears to Cowboys. |
| 6:43
| And today's web poll today is brought to all of us by the Acura Dealers Association. |
| 6:50
| News with Buzz |
| 6:51
| Another religious figure from Chicago is damaging Barack Obama's campaign. The candidate is apologizing for Father Michael Pfleger's comments about Hillary which were featured in a video online. Is he in a pantsuit? |
| 6:52
| Can Steve give his take on all this? He thinks it's a set-up by Obama's people. They got a white guy to say something crazy and then Obama disavows it. Pfleger will fall on a grenade. |
| 6:53
| Buzz doesn't buy it. If that ever came out Obama's numbers would plummet. It'll never come out though, this stuff happens all the time. Why would Pfleger just wander over to Obama's church and start ripping Hillary? It's well played and right out fo the Republican handbook. |
| 6:54
| Steve thinks the fix is in on all that stuff. Obama was supposed to be above that but you can't get this far and be above it. Look at all the stuff we found out about JFK after he was assassinated. |
| 6:55
| People sort of knew about Marilyn while it was going on. Steve was only 10 so he didn't know you could nail Marilyn Monroe and still be married. What a great discovery that was for him. |
| 6:56
| Steve also thinks the McClellan book is a set-up but he hasn't figured out how. They'd kill you before they let you put out a book like that so there has to be something else. Maybe McClellan will jump into bed with McCain so he can distance himself from Bush. |
| 6:57
| Basically this is a dictatorship with two dictators vying for our affection. Is Steve a little cynical today? Maybe. How about this one then? Ricky Martin has endorsed Hillary Clinton for President. |
| 6:58
| Steve's going to say that payment was made to Ricky, who's career isn't going so well, because there/'s a Puerto Rican primary coming up. Buzz thinks Ricky's career is doing fine. Ricky Martin? He probably doesn't make as much as Buzz does. |
| 6:59
| Ricky did Livin' La Vida Loca right? And he was in Menudo too right? Buzz doesn't know. How can he say he's a big star then if he doesn't even know anything about him? Buzz's band covers Livin' La Vida Loca right? |
| 7:00
| It seems like if Ricky has a lot of money he should be a Republican. Once you have a lot of money you should only care about taxes and having poor people down. |
| 7:01
| New York's Senate majority leader is questioning an order to have all stage agencies recognize gay marriages in other states. |
| 7:02
| A Texas court has ruled to return children to members of the FLDS sect in Texas. Sect leaders are still outraged by social service workers in Texas. |
| 7:03
| CIA director Michael Hayden says Al Qaeda has all but been eradicated in Iraq. |
| 7:04
| An American Islam group says that the controversy over the Rachael Ray ad is silly. The best thing about yesterday is 20 minutes into the conversation when Buzz turned on Rachael Ray. |
| 7:05
| The group said it's incredibly sad that Dunkin' Donuts pandered to fear-mongering. That sounds pretty intelligent. Two weeks before Michelle Malkin was boycotting Starbucks because they were too liberal. |
| 7:06
| And now a terrifying and sad story. An employee of Fox News in Chicago says she was bitten by bed bugs at work. The woman now fears returning tot he office and suffers nightmares. |
| 7:07
| Jane Clark has become completely unhinged by the experience. Did she get them from Geraldo or Bill O'Reilly? Her attorney, Alan Schnurman (The Schnurman!), says his client is very upset and now sees a psychologist 3 times a week. |
| 7:08
| Harvey Korman is dead at the age of 81. He gained prominence from his work on the Carol Burnett Show. Steve used to like Harvey Korman but can he now say he's glad that he's dead? |
| 7:09
| One time on a flight back from Hawaii Harvey got him bumped from his assigned seats. Harvey took his seat because those are the ones he prefers. Steve was outraged and he made that clear during the flight. |
| 7:10
| For 10 hours Steve was outraged and he hassled Harvey. He bumped his seat, he waited for him outside of the bathroom. |
| 7:11
| The mole that R. Kelly's defense team said would set him free was featured in court yesterday. The defense team broke down the famed video frame by frame, like the Zappruder Film. |
| 7:12
| 22-year-old tanning salon employee Kim Matuska says she's no longer involved with Drew Peterson. Police assured her that Drew already killed one wife and she could be next. Can they really say that to someone? |
| 7:13
| Matuska appeared before the Will County grand jury this week. The Darien woman had little to say when she left. Why is she being called to the grand jury? |
| 7:14
| This broad is hot isn't she? Buzz probably wants to know what tanning salon she works at. She was on her cellphone as she left court. Can't she just wait to get to her car? Why is everyone always on their phone? |
| 7:15
| Drew blames the media for ruining his relationship with Matuska. You gotta hand it to the guy. Throughout all of this he's still picking up some 22-year-old girl at a tanning salon. |
| 7:16
| Drew is pessimistic about future relationships though. He says "I don't think I could get laid in a woman's prison with a handful of pardons" |
| 7:17
| Live read: Hawk Ford |
| 7:18
| Steve's very impressed with the Ford lately, they have some nice cars. Buzz loves the Mustang. They'd probably hook him up at Hawk Ford |
| 7:24
| Steve would sure like to know where this Kim Matuska works though. He was thinking it's the LA Tan in Naperville since that's where Drew was pulled over. |
| 7:25
| Steve passes that place a lot and he has LA Tan credits in his pocket. And she's single now. Say what you will about Drew but he's sort of relentless. He's a force of nature and a force to be reckoned with so keep your smart-alecky comments to yourself. |
| 7:26
| Steve hasn't played Bolingbrookville in a while, which one should he play? Do we have any new quotes that need to be added? There's the Geico insurance quote. Do we have the one about him getting laid at a woman's prison? |
| 7:27
| Maybe Steve should just take all his best written quotes and voice them himself for the song. Because it seems like Drew's experiencing a bit of a Renaissance right now. |
| 7:28
| It must get old for Drew dating a 22-year-old. There has to be a lot of talking and he just wants to get some sleep. |
| 7:29
| Song: Bolingbrookville, Steve Dahl |
| 7:33
| Did Buzz officially sign off on the news? He didn't actually. His final observation is that this is the weekend of the Chicago Gospel Music Festival. Looks like the weather is shaping up for it! |
| 7:34
| The weather will actually pass. After the storm it's supposed to be in the 80s. That's perfect weather for donning a polyester choir robe. |
| 7:35
| Steve just has a little more about Drew and then Patrick Bertoletti is coming in followed by a camera crew. That just proves that it's too easy to get on TV these days. |
| 7:36
| Steve and Buzz have been on the radio for 30 years but they're just going to be background for a piece of Patrick Bertoletti. He's on TV for shoving hot dogs in his face. |
| 7:36
| Stacy's aunt, Candace Aikin, testified in front of a grand jury yesterday. She told reporters that Stacy wanted out and in August she was getting more serious about it. Are you supposed to discuss your testimony with anyone? |
| 7:37
| A law-enforcement source told the Tribune that Kim Matuska began a relationship with Drew after meeting him at a bar in April, through their mutual friend Steve Carcerano. That Steve Carcerano has stood by Drew through all of this. |
| 7:38
| They continued to see each other and Drew began frequenting the tanning salon. She bought a tanning package (Steve's got your tanning package right here!" |
| 7:39
| He also took her flying on his ultralight. If Buzz is ever interested Drew can take him up. He can't take Dahl up, he's too fat. Buzz is slender. |
| 7:40
| Buzz didn't know Drew owned his own plane. The ultralights aren't really that expensive. |
| 7:41
| Drew will likely face the media again today when he appears in court on the charge of unlawful use of a weapon. Drew will probably say something funny when he leaves court today. |
| 7:42
| Drew wouldn't be surprised if by the end of the year he has his own special on HBO. It'll be called Drew Peterson's Blue Barrel of Fun. The show will be outdoors and he'll land on stage in his ultralight. |
| 7:43
| Live read: National City |
| 7:50
| Alright Patrick Bertoletti is here. But first, do Steve and Buzz want to sign releases that allow Al Roker to use their name and likeness? Patrick has gone totally TV, he's just wearing one of his belts. |
| 7:51
| Then Steve had to explain himself and Buzz to the producer. Then the producer told him what they wanted Steve to ask Patrick. Steve will ask him what he wants to ask him. |
| 7:52
| Steve's going to play to the camera here. Where does Al Roker get off getting lapband surgery? But he's still doing food shows? The shows should be 5 minutes long since he can't eat that much any more. |
| 7:53
| Al Roker's name is huge on this release form. Can Al's name be placed that close to the word entertainment? Al's head is too big for his body after the surgery, he looks like a bobblehead. How's Patrick feeling about all this now? They can play all this at the Christmas party. |
| 7:54
| Buzz is holding the gyro belt, which isn't very impressive. It's an insult to professional wrestlers. And the creepiest thing is that it's warm. |
| 7:55
| All of the shows on Food Network are either Al Roker or Rob Weller, two of the most insipid TV personalities around. That being said Steve would love a show on Food Network and he can change his opinion about Al if he'd like to talk. |
| 7:56
| Steve's show would be 10,000 Calories-a-Day, how to eat 10,000 calories to keep your weight up. Everyday would be different. |
| 7:57
| For the benefit of Al Roker Productions, how many hot dogs did Patrick eat in Minneapolis? He had 49 dogs and buns in 10 minutes. At Nathan's he'll get 10 minutes as well. |
| 7:58
| Last year they had 12 minutes and the record was 63. But it might be 10 this year? Patrick doesn't even know. |
| 7:59
| On a scale of 1 to 10, how disappointed will Patrick be when Steve doesn't show up on Coney Island? Patrick didn't think Steve would actually show up. |
| 8:00
| New York seems like a long way to go for a 10 minute competition. Plus Patrick said he'd get Steve credentialed but he probably wouldn't. Then he'd ditch Steve for the girls. |
| 8:01
| Steve still might go, he's not sure. He probably should support Patrick. And Pete will be there too, front-and-center. He'll be there with his girlfriend who lives in New York right? |
| 8:02
| If she didn't live in New York they would have broken up long ago. But you could probably miss even Pete after a week. Buzz asked Pete if he had a wild weekend plan last week. |
| 8:03
| Buzz did it jokingly thinking Pete would just be sitting in his condo in Rogers Park but he was actually going to New York so he did have plans. By wild weekend does that mean having sex in Central Park? |
| 8:04
| So this is Patrick's third Nathan's competition. After the first one Steve and Buzz dropped him for his lackluster showing. He was a loser. Saying him a winner won't help him at all will it? |
| 8:05
| And then last year he raised his game up and came in 3rd place, officially. He should have come in second place because Kobayashi should have been disqualified for puking. |
| 8:06
| Steve can't believe the IFOCE didn't step in and overrule it and give Patrick second place. They should do that if they are any sort of legislative body. |
| 8:07
| Every time Steve talks to Patrick he wants to start up his own competitive eating league. He would be much stricter about policing it and he wouldn't allow foreigners. Let's keep it in America where competitive eating started with the blueberry pie contest. |
| 8:08
| Patrick actually did one of those where he had his hands tied behind his back eating blueberry pie. Did he do that at his house by himself? Let's all just enjoy Patrick sitting in his apartment, shirtless and handcuffed eating blueberry pie and wearing his Waffle House belt. |
| 8:09
| The competition was actually during a Stand By Me festival. Did the loser get hit by a train? That's what happens in Stand by Me right? There was a reversal in that movie too but only because the kid drank Castor Oil and ate raw eggs. |
| 8:10
| Patrick brought up a bottle of iced tea on stage but said it was Castor Oil, then the judges had to investigate. When did Patrick become a prop comic? That's what happens after you get the prize belt. |
| 8:11
| Patrick isn't sure how many he can eat this year, maybe 60. For some reason hot dogs are the hardest for Patrick to eat. By the end of it he feels so sick. Would it help if he didn't dip the buns in red juice? |
| 8:12
| Patrick has his year's supply of Nathan's with the natural casing and he'll be practicing with those. That's the toughest part, the pig intestines. Patrick thought it was sheep bung casing. Sheep bung? Why is he doing that. |
| 8:13
| Steve's pretty sure it's still pig, they wouldn't switch it to lamb. You can't do that, it's in the Bible. There's no need to say bung even if it's true. If you're Nathan's you don't want that associated with your restaurant. |
| 8:14
| Patrick has a bunch of stuff for Steve, can he give it to him now? Is it all visual stuff? Patrick has some t-shirts and gift certificates from Aurellio's. Steve does like the t-shirts. |
| 8:15
| Steve does like the shirts when Patrick brings them in. He's back in Steve's good graces now. Buzz can give him the gyro belt back. |
| 8:16
| Did that woman come in with the pizza yet? Patrick told her how Steve likes his pizza too, pepperoni on top, well-done. He's also going to tell that woman how his local Aurellio's won't deliver to him. |
| 8:17
| By the way, it is natural sheep intestine casing. So that's sheep bung? Through Steve's relationship with Bill Kurtis he knows that there are things done on a ranch involving a bung extractor. You don't want to be on the wrong end of that thing. |
| 8:18
| Did Patrick get enough from Steve? Make sure to show Al all that good stuff at the beginning, especially the bobblehead stuff. Steve will sign his release now, he likes to make sure things went well first. |
| 8:25
| Al Roker explains his weight loss as eating less and working out. He had his stomach stapled! But he made a big deal about it. |
| 8:26
| Al's show is called Roker on the Road where he takes his love of food and his fascination with people across America. Of course he can't eat any of the food any more. |
| 8:27
| This must have been taken right from their pitch to Food Network. "Roker on the Road takes everybody's favorite weatherman to the crossroads of America to see just how deliciously fun our national love for food has become. Come along for the ride!" What a lame description of the show. |
| 8:28
| That being said, Steve has a few ideas for Food Network shows. One involves Chef Hans. It probably doesn't help that Steve is ripping on Al Roker. although maybe he appreciates Steve's frankness, no pun intended. |
| 8:29
| We've got a tornado watch in effect. That's probably because it's in the 60s now but it's supposed to be in the 80s later. Any time the temperature changes that dramatically you're going to have a bad storm. |
| 8:30
| Alright it's time for the Eight O'Clock Taco Bell and it couldn't come sooner because Steve is freaking starving! |
| 8:31
| It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time with Pat Boyle. Steve will be talking to Pat while eating a taco. Steve really does get 3 Nathan's dogs every time he comes to New York. |
| 8:32
| Buzz pointed out that that's only 6 hot dogs in 10 minutes. Steve doesn't think he could do 60 in 10 minutes. |
| 8:33
| Alright so what's going on with the other leagues? The Cubs and Sox both had good games last night. The Sox took down the team with the best record in baseball. Paul Konerko finally emerged from his slump with a moonshot off the Tropicana Field roof. |
| 8:34
| It's too bad that home run was hit there because without that roof it would still be traveling. Steve doesn't get understand how the Rays had the best record in baseball yesterday but only drew 12,000 fans. |
| 8:35
| Tampa is not a big sports market, there are a lot of people living there from other places. Also the Rays have sucked for the last 10 years. The Sox bullpen hasn't given up an earned run in 9 games. |
| 8:36
| Here's another reason why the Rays probably aren't popular. People in Chicago won't get to see the first hour of tomorrow's game because of the Major League Baseball blackout rules. |
| 8:37
| The Rays could have changed the time of tomorrow's game but they've started up some concert series and couldn't do it. MLB's blackout rules are crazy. Steve has the MLB package in Michigan but it still blacks out Sox games. They only want you to be able to watch Tigers games in Detroit. |
| 8:38
| The Cubs rallied late again last night to beat the Rockies, they scored 5 runs in the 7th and 8th. Steve has to say that's a pretty good team. It's ridiculous. |
| 8:39
| Going back to the Sox for a second. Did Orlando Cabrera really call the press box twice this year? Once in Toronto he called from the dugout phone because he was mad that he got charged with an error. |
| 8:40
| Ozzie was not happy about it and told the press as much when it finally got around to them. Cabrera must have something in his contract about errors. |
| 8:41
| Steve's other question is about Jim Edmonds. Did he say something about Soriano? Steve only caught the tail end but someone said "That's what you get when you say something about your left fielder" |
| 8:42
| Pat isn't aware of anything with Edmonds. He isn't hitting but he's playing good defense. Maybe he said something about Soriano though? |
| 8:43
| Steve calls down to the newsroom. Jim isn't aware of any comments made by Jim Edmonds. Bob Brenly said something about Soriano's defense though but it's true. Edmonds is getting booed because he's not hitting and because he used to be a Cardinal. But he's not any more. |
| 8:44
| It seems pointless to boo Edmonds though. That's what happens when you're sitting in the bleachers drinking. Steve has to say that Cubs fans look like George Will compared to Dodgers fans. |
| 8:45
| Dodgers fans don't pay attention, they do the wave during crucial moments in the game and they chant "Let's go Dodgers" while they're playing defense! |
| 8:46
| Weather permitting Bobby Hull and Stan Mikita will be singing the 7th Inning Stretch at Wrigley today. Steve's noticed that the Blackhawks seem more interested in courting Cubs fans than Sox fans. |
| 8:47
| They're probably going to play that New Year's Day outdoor game at Wrigley, even though there's no parking. You need parking in the dead of winter, otherwise how are you going to get there? |
| 8:48
| They do have Sox stuff at the Hawks game, during the puck shoot though. But still, you need parking in the winter. |
| 8:53
| So that's Bob Brenly talking about Soriano. But the only problem with Edmonds is he was a Cardinal. Everyone on the Cubs is from somewhere else though. Lee was a Marlin! |
| 8:54
| Cubs fans hate the Cardinals though. Steve almost got into it with a Cardinals fan at the Dodgers game. They all look the same, like they're in a Dockers ad. They're all shrimpy too. |
| 8:55
| The aisles at Dodger Stadium are very narrow and as Steve was getting out of the row there was a Cardinals fan behind him. Steve didn't know he was there but the guy said "Excuse me!" As you can imagine Steve always likes hearing that. |
| 8:56
| Later on he might have tripped the guy on his way back up the aisle or maybe spilled something on his jean shorts. |
| 8:57
| Live read: Woodfield Nissan |
| 8:58
| Steve no longer looks at the pump when he's getting gas, it's like $80 to fill up. He doesn't even want to think about filling up his boat. It's a 75 gallon tank, it's going to cost him $300! |
| 8:59
| This summer Steve might become one of those guys who just sits in his boat at the dock giving other boaters advice. |
| 9:00
| Bears mini-camp starts this weekend and Brian Urlacher will be there. Steve was watching Chicago Tribune Live last night, trying to find the Sox game. It was on CLTV but also Mojo for HD. What the hell is mojo? |
| 9:01
| Lou Canellis just joined Chicago Tribune Live for Bears coverage. But now that the Bears switched to another station Thayer and Joniak will be on Fox, and Lou Canellis will be the host. Does Thayer know about this? |
| 9:02
| Lou Canellis has been on 190 North for too long. They'd be better off hiring Steve! Although if the Bears start 0-3 Steve will start breaking bad. You need a shill for that job. |
| 9:03
| So Steve's watching CTL and they're talking about Urlacher. Actually Steve's mixing things up. They talked about Urlacher showing up at mini-camp. |
| 9:04
| On the way in today Steve heard Tommie Harris talking about Urlacher. He had a two-letter nickname that he was referring to Urlacher as. It wasn't BU or LB though. |
| 9:05
| Well it's good that Brian is coming back. Because he's built up a lot of goodwill and he doesn't want to lose that. If you're with us, we let you slide on a lot of stuff. That's the Jordy Rule. |
| 9:06
| The Bears will look at this as a good faith gesture, they'll up their offer and he'll sign a deal before Bourbonnais. |
| 9:07
| There are a few more football things before we get to Doug Collins. Repetitive blocking along with the weight of pads and helmets can temporarily shave inches off of player's heights. It's only temporary though. |
| 9:08
| So Doug Collins might be coming back to the Bulls. Steve wouldn't mind him coming back, he did a good job. He did leave under clouded circumstances. It happens to all of us though. |
| 9:09
| Both sides are saying it's not a done deal but It seems like it'll happen this weekend. Three weeks ago he said he didn't want to get back into coaching. But now he has a new reason for why he'd get back into it. |
| 9:10
| Doug said that his son Chris said he should get back into coaching. Who cares what your kids say? Actually Steve didn't want to do mornings and then Pat told him he should. |
| 9:11
| Now Steve doesn't like Doug Collins. His son gave him the green light? It makes Steve wonder why Doug left in the first place. |
| 9:12
| Wasn't Phil Jackson his assistant coach or something? Pat's not sure. He doesn't know anything today. Does Brendan know? He's the basketball guy. |
| 9:13
| Brendan thought Phil was with the team but suddenly he's doubting himself. He'll have to look it up. |
| 9:14
| Phil was assistant coach starting in 1987 and got promoted to head coach in 1989 after Doug left. So now Steve is wondering what Phil had that Doug didn't have, which caused him to leave. |
| 9:15
| Alright Pat, this is your last sportscast. Steve didn't mean to put him on the spot, he didn't grow up here. |
| 9:23
| That's Stacy King talking about Doug Collins. Stop it right there! |
| 9:24
| Live read: Townstone Financial |
| 9:25
| This live read says that David Hochberg has been divorced. That's interesting. It explains his whippedness. |
| 9:26
| David Hochberg is on the phone and he is happily divorced. The red flags were going off, the lights were going off but David went through with the marriage anyway. She was probably thinking the same thing. |
| 9:27
| Live read: Woodfield Nissan |
| 9:28
| Buzz is running premium in his car, you have to. He's running a big engine on his car. |
| 9:29
| Alright ti's time for a Mailbag, sponsored by 7-Up. Heads up 7-Up. The first email is from David Turvey, the film student from Columbia College doing the documentary about Drew and Stacy. |
| 9:30
| Buzz is familiar with this kid, he saw an interview about him. Turvey wants to come to the studio for a few hours and film Steve doing his thing. He means the broadcast right? |
| 9:31
| Turvey thinks Steve is now part of history and therefore part of the documentary. These kids, they're so grandiose. Turvey would love to get some footage of a broadcasting legend. OK now he's back in Steve's good graces. |
| 9:32
| Steve was recently booted off the Columbia board of trustees but he won't hold that against David. Frankly he's glad he got kicked off. |
| 9:33
| The whole thing was a shakedown anyway, they only wanted Steve's money. And he offered to give the more than the minimum that they wanted but they're so screwed up that they didn't take it. |
| 9:34
| Then they started sending him letters accusing him of agreeing to donate and then not giving them the money. That's when Steve lost interest. |
| 9:36
| Buzz urges Steve to accommodate David. Not for several hours though, just one bit. Buzz has the feeling that this movie will be big. David has actually endeared himself to Drew. |
| 9:37
| Buzz also thinks Steve's Drew impersonation deserves to be canonized. Even though Drew thinks it sounds nothing like him? |
| 9:38
| Steve would like to wait for something good to happen for David to come in. Today would have been perfect with the tanning salon girl. Drew has to be hurting after losing that. |
| 9:39
| Alright the next emailer hasn't listened in years. That's always a good way to start off a letter to Steve, it warms his heart. Actually the listener moved to California and just recently found the show on the net. |
| 9:40
| She was reading Steve's blog from the 23rd and she saw a disturbing picture. It appeared to her that Steve had a catheter back hanging off of him. |
| 9:41
| Steve wrote that blog on his iPhone while out on his run. He took a few photos as well and one of them shows the headphones from his iPhone, not a catheter bag. She didn't comment about Steve's hot ankles though. Maybe his photo didn't capture them properly. |
| 9:42
| The last emailer wanted to drop Steve an email and say that it's great that the show is now on the internet. We were having some internet problems yesterday, there was an intermittent stream. |
| 9:43
| Steve doesn't read all those emails until he gets home, when it's too late to do anything about it. Steve calls down to Adam's office. Everything is fine as far as he knows. What's Adam doing down there? |
| 9:44
| Adam's actually looking at the photo of Drew's girlfriend. She's pretty hot isn't she? Does Adam want to go tanning later? Could he figure out which place she works at? Steve feels it's the LA Tan in Naperville. |
| 9:45
| So the emailer lives in Santa Cruz and listens on podcast. He's had zero problems with it and it's very easy to use. You can't beat that right? That's sort of a tip of the cap to Ed although CBS handles the podcasts. Ed's probably stomping around his condo in his bath rob and underpants. |
| 9:46
| Let's just say it's Ed to make him feel better. Can Pete cut all that together? That Ed, he does a great job with the podcast. Whenever there's something about the podcast stuff that Steve doesn't like Ed throws his hands up and says "That's out of my hands, it's CBS!" |
| 9:47
| Just tell Ed he misheard it, stuff goes out in his house all the time. Pete was there when his TV went out at the Monday Night Football game and they ended up watching it on his bed on a computer. |
| 9:48
| Actually that was Brendan and Jim. Pete doesn't fall for that, he'd need at least a lobster dinner to watch the game on Ed's bed, he wouldn't do it for beef sandwiches. |
| 9:54
| That's the kid from Columbia. Steve will let him come in, why not? Steve knows that Buzz has news stuff but can he read from the Tribune about R. Kelly? Brendan is welcome to come in for this. |
| 9:55
| While the jury spends the weekend pondering whether R. Kelly's mole does or does not appear in freeze-framed images of the video everyone else has work to do. |
| 9:56
| Attorneys are preparing for the testimony of Lisa Van Allen who said she had a threesome with R. Kelly and an underage girl. The Trib caught up with her current fiance Yul Brown. That's not the guy with the Phillies hat though. |
| 9:57
| Van Allen Met Kelly when she was 17-years-old and an extra in his Home Alone video. She was in a relationship with him from 1998-2005 even though Kelly was married and had kids. |
| 9:58
| Van Allen had a sexual relationship with Kelly that included a mènage a trois with Kelly and his goddaughter, the girl who prosecutors say is in the sex tape at the hart of the case. That's a bad godfather. And Steve thought Garry was a bad godfather to Pat. |
| 9:59
| Van Allen had the role of the hair braider in Kelly's 2001 video My Wish. He loves those hair braiders. Should we be playing the Hair Braider song right now? |
| 10:00
| It seemed like R. Kelly was in a good mood yesterday. That's probably because Thursdays are like Fridays to him. He was telling something to Sam Adams Jr. and cracking him up. |
| 10:01
| He was probably discussing his weekend plans and how he heard on the Steve Dahl Show that if you put braces on a 20-year-old girl it looks like they're 15. |
