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| 5:31
| There's a good song there, Tommy Tutone's867-5309/Jenny. Steve used to prank call that number back in the day, trying every area code and asking for Jenny. |
| 5:32
| That's some good 80s music right there, the kind Steve would put his seal of approval on. Many believe 867-5309 was the real number of a girl named Jenny and caused a fad of people dialing the number and asking for Jenny. Hey, that's Steve! |
| 5:33
| Of course back in the day you didn't have to dial that many area codes. At worst it was 312, 815 or 219 for Indiana. |
| 5:34
| At the time the song came out 867-5309 was a valid phone number in dozens of North American area codes. |
| 5:35
| Fast-forward to 2007 when Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band release Magic. The opening song, Radio Nowhere, shares a chord progression with 867-5309/Jenny. Steve needs to open his iTunes and compare these two. |
| 5:36
| The Washington Post, getting a little esoteric, suggests that the song sounds similar to Warren Zevon's Splendid Isolation. This might be a little more than Steve wants to do. |
| 5:37
| Steve doesn't have a lot of Bruce Springsteen on his computer. He used to like him back in the 70s but then he got into all that Nebraska crap. Steve prefers Thunder Road to a song about Charlie Starkweather. |
| 5:38
| Pete said he was ready with the song but he wasn't. This isn't Jeopardy where whoever buzzes in first gets to go. Steve will just do it himself. Comparing the two songs, they're no the same. The 4th chord on the Springsteen song is different. That's an invalid criticism on Springsteen although Steve is opening to criticizing him. |
| 5:39
| Buzz wants Steve to dig deeper on this one. He feels like a research assistant or something. The article was written by J. Freedom du Lac. Is that for all of our French listeners? |
| 5:40
| Steve always chides Pete for liking Scrubs but he actually watched it last night. Steve didn't mean to get Pete's day off to a bad start but it seemed like he wasn't ready in there. |
| 5:41
| There's too much overacting on Scrubs, Pete has to admit that, It's the wackiness that Pete actually likes the most. That's disappointing for Steve to hear. How can he ever trust Pete's laugh to be indicative of something that's funny? |
| 5:42
| The black doctor only has one testicle and last night, in a dream-sequence, he went to a store called Balls 'R Us. Pete says that was a JD fantasy. Steve doesn't want to go that deep into the show. |
| 5:43
| In JD's fantasy there was a fake testicle at Balls 'R Us that actually got warm. Then he imagined it as a heat warmer and they were all ice fishing. The black doctor pulled his pants down and there was a glow and then everyone came back with weird sunburns on their face. It was one of the funniest things Steve has seen in a while. |
| 5:44
| Then they went back to overacting. The worst overactor is that John C. McGinley guy but the janitor is pretty bad too. The janitor is played by Neil Flynn, who's from Chicago. Steve's had him on the show and he's a nice enough guy. |
| 5:45
| Pete remembers when he was here and for some reason he was standing pretty close to him. He noticed a very strong cigarette smell on him which was disappointing. All actors smoke though, probably because they have a lot of time on their hands and they think it keeps them thin. Steve would just take speed to stay thin. |
| 5:46
| Pete was also bummed when he learned that Jason Segel, from How I Met Your Mother, also smokes. Pete's OK with some actors who are longtime smokers, like Sean Penn, but he doesn't like finding out about a new actor. |
| 5:47
| Pete will be disappointed to learn that Katherine Heigl is a heavy smoker. Steve's actually seen a photo of her smoking in her wedding dress. Kissing her would be like kissing an ash tray. Everything probably tastes like an ashtray on her. She's married to that Josh Kelley guy. |
| 5:48
| He's got some song about looking out a window on Chicago or something. Pete says he doesn't know it but Steve thinks he does. He'll have to open his iTunes, which Pete says just celebrated it's 5th anniversary. Is Pete drunk today? It's like he's on a game show just yelling out answers. |
| 5:49
| Steve saw the intern in the lobby this morning so he can confirm that she's still alive. He can't remember her name and no one else can either. Adam is keeping all her personal info to himself. |
| 5:50
| Buzz thinks her name is Vicki but he's waiting for confirmation on that. She was in the lobby waiting for Stephanie to come down so Steve brought her up to the office. |
| 5:51
| Steve asked her how she was doing and she said "OK, I guess." That's more of a fake question that you're just supposed to say "Good" to. But then she said she'd been up late last night. Steve thought she was partying but she had just been up playing Grand Theft Auto. |
| 5:52
| Caller Eric's friend was a mortgage broker and during the boom he decided to have his phone number changed to 867-5309. It was readily available but only 1 in 10 calls was business. |
| 5:53
| He's not a mortgage broker any more but he still has the number, which actually works against him. He's single and whenever he's out at a bar and gives someone his number they think it's a fake. |
| 5:59
| When Buzz says "This hour of the Steve Dahl Show is brought to you by..." does he mean the 5:30 to 6:30 hour or the 6 am to 7 am hour? |
| 6:00
| Buzz also has a traffic update. Route 61 is closed in Belleville because of a house explosion. Belleville? That sounds far away. Did Buzz just want to say "exploding house"? |
| 6:01
| On Steve's MILF route there's a house that always smells like natural gas. Everyday Steve thinks this is going to be the day when the house explodes and he doesn't want to be there when it happens. Steve thinks about notifying someone but the house is pretty far from his house. |
| 6:02
| Just so Buzz knows, Belleville is in Southern Illinois, it's basically St. Louis. But if you're down there and traveling Route 61 avoid it or drive by and see the exploded house. |
| 6:03
| Steve recently got DirecTV and he was watching some HGTV in HD yesterday. There's one show where they go to old house and find antiquities in the house that people didn't know about. |
| 6:04
| There was one house in Southern Illinois where they found out there was some marital infidelity between the original owners, way back in the 1800s. That was pretty interesting but then they found an old safe. |
| 6:05
| They made this whole deal about finding the combination and opening it up but there was nothing inside. They also knew there was nothing inside before they showed them opening it. |
| 6:06
| Every single scenario was disappointing on the episode Steve saw. Then one of the hosts wanted to know who buys a colonial and flips it? Buzz's Polish cleaning lady, Marta, recently asked him about the condo and the work he'd done on it. Buzz said they were done with the work and Marta told him now they could flip it. |
| 6:07
| That's how a lot of the immigrants roll. If you have the skills to rehab a house then you can buy a fixer-upper and resell it. |
| 6:08
| Caller Ron is in a band and they practice in Park Ridge at some guy's house that always smells like gas. That's a situation where he might want to report it to the gas company. |
| 6:09
| Ron was at Disco Demolition and it was a great time, he'd like to Steve do another one for rap music or something. Steve's not interested in that, he's still being called a racist and a homophobe for the first one. |
| 6:10
| Steve has some German guy coming in to interview him about Disco Demolition. He had him send his questions first, that's the only way Steve does an interview now. He even did it for that thing in the paper yesterday about U.S. Cellular Field and that was an interview with a neighbor's kid. It's nothing personal though. |
| 6:11
| The only exception to that rule Steve has made recently is when he did that interview for Time Out Magazine about that Gilda's Club thing he did with Garry. Everyone made a big deal about how they had to do the interview because the woman was on a deadline. |
| 6:12
| But the woman turned out to be a bitch and she told Steve that the Gilda's Club thing seemed like a dumb idea. Then the article didn't come out for another 3 weeks! |
| 6:13
| Patrick "Deep Dish" Bertoletti is on the phone and he's coughing up some lung oysters. Steve's going to put him back on hold for a pre-interview. He doesn't want to hear about lung oysters or his asparagus pee if that's where this is going. When Steve says "how are you?" he doesn't really care. He doesn't even really care how he's doing. |
| 6:20
| On The Office last night Dwight bought Andy's car at low price, using mind control, and then flipped it and sold it for more. |
| 6:21
| Live read: Discovery Channel |
| 6:22
| Steve was on a conference call about this live read, for Man vs. Wild, with several other radio hosts. The woman giving them all the info about the show told everyone to feel free to mention that Bear Grylls eats impala meat right off the carcass and gets diarrhea. |
| 6:23
| Then a guy from Baltimore said "there's nothing funnier than diarrhea" At that point Steve's just trying to get the call over with. |
| 6:24
| Man vs. Wild is a good show and the guy really goes out there with almost nothing. Steve would have tried to start up a fire and cook the impala but maybe Bear didn't have access to a fire. |
| 6:25
| Live read: Pro Flowers |
| 6:26
| Alright Patrick Bertoletti is on the phone and he's doing fine. Of course Steve doesn't really care how Patrick is doing. |
| 6:27
| Patrick was edged out by Joey Chestnut in the asparagus eating contest. Can Steve talk to Joey Chestnut every week, he's a winner |
| 6:28
| Joey narrowly beat Patrick so it was pretty close. It was a hard competition though because the asparagus featured every single texture. They were also really big but not tender at the bottom. |
| 6:29
| Didn't Patrick sleep with Joey Chestnut also? He stayed at his house and slept on his couch, they're having a bromance. |
| 6:30
| Patrick and Joey get along and it seems like Patrick could use that to his advantage. Joey seems like a bit of a dork so maybe he views Patrick as his cool friend with a mohawk. First he doesn't want to beat his cool friend too bad and then he starts losing to him. |
| 6:31
| Patrick is a dork too but he has a mohawk. Whenever Joey's in a competition without Patrick he goes anyway to hassle him. Patrick's making him better. |
| 6:32
| What about Joan Jett, did Patrick stalk her? She would have been a cougar to him. Patrick tried his best pick up lines on her and nothing worked. |
| 6:33
| Actually Patrick couldn't get anywhere near Joan Jett. LOSER! Patrick is the big attraction a the festival, he should have an all-access pass! |
| 6:34
| Patrick had a belly full of asparagus, what woman wouldn't want him? Joan Jett doesn't care and she's also a vegetarian so she could be into that. |
| 6:35
| Had Patrick connected with Joan the name of her next album could be Belly Full of Asparagus. She's probably with Joey Chestnut right now though because he's a winner. |
| 6:36
| Can we hear that Joan Jett tape again? This is what Patrick is going to be missing out on. Imagine that sexy voice and New York accent telling you to take your pants off! |
| 6:37
| Patrick's next event is in Minneapolis next weekend, it's a qualifier for the Nathan's competition. That's Mother's Day weekend, is he bringing his mom? |
| 6:38
| Didn't Patrick fail at his first qualifier for Nathan's last year? It was actually two years ago, he failed at the one in Minneapolis and then had to go to Atlanta to try again. |
| 6:39
| What will it take to win Nathan's this year? Patrick is thinking that Joey Chestnut can do at least 70 in 12 minutes. Patrick thinks he can hit 55 to 60 but it depends. |
| 6:40
| Steve is still thinking of going to Nathan's this year. Patrick has some mohawk wigs for him to wear but Steve will probably stick with his standard look. |
| 6:41
| Patrick's a knucklehead but he's a lovable knucklehead. Steve could fly in and fly out of New York very quickly for Nathan's and to go to Yankee Stadium. His grandfather was a big Yankees fan and Steve bonded with him so he'd like to see the stadium before they tear it down. |
| 6:42
| Then he could hit the hot dog thing and have a few dogs himself and maybe a night on the town with Patrick, Joey Chestnut, Kobayashi and the Black Widow. He could be challenging people right and left to eating competitions, he could take them if he puts his mind to it, in regular circumstances at least. |
| 6:43
| Although Steve did fail miserable when he tried to eat the 72 ounce steak at the Big Texan, in front of his kids. He can see why they were disappointed. When you have a fat dad and he can't even get the free steak he can see why there were disappointed. |
| 6:44
| Steve's going to go back to the Big Texan and try it again. He thinks he's figured out how to eat the entire thing. |
| 6:45
| Caller Mark was wondering if Steve could take Joey Chestnut to a donkey show in New York the night before the Nathan's competition, just like he did with Sut in '84 in San Diego. |
| 6:46
| They don't have donkey shows in New York but they probably have other stuff that is comparable. |
| 6:47
| Steve's not a soothsayer but he's going to predict that after this break you'll hear a drop of Steve failing at the Big Texas Steakhouse. You'll be able to hear the disappointment in the boy's voices as their fat dad fails at eating the entire steak. |
| 6:55
| That's Steve at the Big Texan but it's hard to listen to. Mike is the ringleader, he's the most vocal of the boys. Pat is the one who's pleading with him to finish it. Steve might need to go back there this weekend. |
| 6:56
| While he was eating the steak an old lady and a 14-year-old kid finished the entire steak. Steve knows how to approach it now though. |
| 6:57
| Maybe Steve will go back to Amarillo this weekend, he can be there by morning. He'll fly in, eat the steak, get his name on the wall and then fly back. Buzz thinks at least one of the boys should be there to represent them. |
| 6:58
| MIke can't go because he has a big Kentucky Derby party planned at Arlington. It seems like the most ideal person to go is Matt because he'd be the least trouble. Pat was the one who was pleading with Steve do finish. But he'd want Steve to fail again and would probably play mind games with him. |
| 6:59
| Matt would be on Steve's side eventually and he has the radio background so he could tape the entire thing. Then he could replay it on his podcast and people would tune in. |
| 7:00
| Steve knows Mike has the party at Arlington because when he has a bee in his bonnet he won't be deterred. Mike realized a few weeks ago that Steve and Janet hadn't met his girlfriend's parents and they're pretty serious. |
| 7:01
| Mike suggested May 2nd and he would not be deterred from that day. Eventually Steve agreed but then he found out later that he couldn't do it tomorrow because he's having a party for himself for the Kentucky Derby. Mike acted like he was having surgery that day or something. |
| 7:02
| If Mike had just been up-front about why he couldn't do it on May 3rd Steve wouldn't have argued so much in favor of it. For the last 3 weeks Steve's been hammered about May 2nd and he always came back with May 3rd. |
| 7:03
| Live read: Triton College |
| 7:04
| Alright time for the web poll, unless Buzz wants to do the news? Steve doesn't see any audio so he assumes that he's not ready. Buzz would like to hang just a little bit but he has some exciting stuff coming up. A car plowed into Midway. It actually happened just outside the airport on a street called Massasoit. Steve's guessing that's a French pronunciation. |
| 7:05
| Yesterday's web poll was "Which TV talk show do you prefer?" The choices were Ellen, and The View. Oprah was not an option because of the magic tricks. Steve's been watching Ellen in the afternoon, it's good and she's funny but she has too many guests. |
| 7:06
| It seems like she really enjoys doing her show, more than a lot of other talk show hosts. There are just too many guests though. |
| 7:07
| Caller Donna lives in Brookfield and used to work at the zoo. She actually quit her job because she works at the same time as the morning show. |
| 7:08
| Donna has some info about that street name, it's pronounced mass-a-soyt. There's a White Castle over there right? |
| 7:09
| Steve's going to give Donna a spin because she quit her job to listen to the show. We need to encourage that more in listeners. |
| 7:10
| Today's web poll question is "Should the CTA switch to a solar powered waste collection system?" |
| 7:11
| This is from the Columbia Chronicle, Columbia College's newspaper. They've got their annual meeting coming up where they shake down the board members for $5,000. |
| 7:12
| Steve's neighbor went to Harvard, he's not going to top that by being on the Columbia board of directors. |
| 7:13
| He was actually going to donate more money than they wanted over time but they never called him about it. Instead they sent him a dunning letter because he hadn't donated. |
| 7:14
| The CTA is testing solar powered trash compactors. Steve thought this was going to be about bathrooms on trains or buses but they don't have that. |
| 7:15
| They have bathrooms on Metra trains but not on the CTA. They do have windows that open and no bathrooms has never stopped anyone from going to the bathroom on the train. |
| 7:16
| The CTA smelling like urine must just remind Pete of Wrigley Field and being at a game. Steve heard some very irritating Cubs talk in the tunnel between the Aon and Prudential Building. |
| 7:17
| Some girl was saying that the bleachers were so crowded and she was dropping the name like it was a nightclub. Steve wanted to turn around and ask her if she even knew who won the game. |
| 7:18
| There were also some hip-hop kids in the building for some reason and one of them kept cutting Steve off at the revolving doors. The second time it happened Steve let him go ahead and then stopped the door on him so he'd run into it. Then he held the door so he couldn't get out. That's not bringing the races any closer together. That's an awesome trick and all you have to do is grab the handle. Sometimes Steve wonders why he works out and it's for times like this, when he can hold the revolving door closed. |
| 7:20
| It occurred to Steve that this trick is also a good way to meet someone when you apologize for accidentally grabbing the door and stopping it. Sometimes if Steve's going into a revolving door first and the person behind him is pushing too hard he'll also grab the handle and stop it. It's like punching someone with a door. |
| 7:26
| That's Mayor Daley on Ellen, she's going to be in Chicago next week and he was on the phone. NBC is making a really big deal about Ellen doing her shows her, almost to the point where you don't want to watch it. |
| 7:27
| Brant keeps mentioning that Ellen is not taping her show in the actual plaza in front of NBC studios. Why does he have to do the weather outside? Does he smell or something? |
| 7:28
| Live read: Discovery Channel |
| 7:29
| How do you pronounce larvae? Steve should probably bookmark that dictionary website where Garry Meier does all the pronunciations. |
| 7:30
| OK, back to the Columbia College article. The headline is "CTA to rid of its solid 'ray'ste'" That's how clever the kids are down there. |
| 7:31
| The CTA is testing a Big Belly trash compactor to replace its traditional trash receptacles. The CTA has been moving the compactor around to various stations. |
| 7:32
| The new solar-powered receptacles are capable of holding more waste so they don't have to be emptied as often. They are heavier though so workers will probably be suing for workman's comp. |
| 7:33
| Last year the Chicago Department of Streets and Sanitation and the Chicago Park District put more than 45 of these receptacles in parks along the lakefront and in the Loop. |
| 7:34
| The compactor was placed at the State and Lake stop underground for more than a month. What's the point of having it underground if it's solar powered? |
| 7:35
| Some wondered why a solar-paneled trash compactor was underground. Hey that's Steve! The compactors can be plugged in using an AC adapter. That's like the opposite of green. |
| 7:36
| It has since been moved above ground to reap the solar-powered benefits. It's just like the CTA to put a solar-powered compactor underground. |
| 7:37
| Steve wouldn't mind having one of these in his backyard. So they finally moved it above ground but it took over a month. |
| 7:38
| Before they just had trash bins which weren't using any power. It seems like this is more of a labor-saving device but the people emptying it are going to complain about hurting their backs emptying them. |
| 7:39
| Did Buzz see all the CTA workers on gurneys after that truck crash? They didn't seem that hurt compared to the CTA riders. |
| 7:40
| Steve understands that our own Jim Kid and Brendan Kid attended a Cubs game yesterday and a few interesting things happened. Steve calls down to the newsroom. They went to the game with Chef Hans which is interesting itself. Are they part of his Boyquarium? Does he get good seats? |
| 7:41
| They were in the field boxes near the player's wives, right behind home plate. Steve could have possibly seen then on TV, calling him on their cellphone and waving to make sure they're on TV. This was happening at the Yankees at Sox game, guys were calling other guys they knew at the game that they were going to see when they were back in New York. |
| 7:42
| So they're at the game with Chef Hans and Buzz's friend Alice Peacock sang the Star Spangled Banner. They saw her husband who's always in tow. Sooner or later she's going to tire of him and Steve wants to be there when it happens. |
| 7:43
| Brendan can understand why he wouldn't want her left alone around a bunch of baseball players. Steve gets that but it's tiresome, right Buzz? That law might have been put into place because of Buzz and something that happened at a blues club when she was 14. |
| 7:44
| Steve's trying to give Jim an opportunity to step up and explain but you can't even give Brendan a half second pause. Steve remembers doing cross talk with Matt and Brendan and Matt would give a brief pause, because he's Joe Cool, and then you'd never hear from him. |
| 7:45
| Once Brendan has the floor he's like Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, staging a filibuster. So they're with Chef Hans and he's buying them beer and hot dogs. Before the game Brendan told Jim that Hans was taking them down to the lockerroom. |
| 7:46
| This sounds like a gay porn. An older Swiss man takes two young boys to a baseball game, buys them hot dogs and beer and promises that they'll get to see other naked men. |
| 7:47
| There were some irritating Brewers fans in front of Jim and Brendan. How many beers had they had so far? Brendan had 3 and Jim had one for the whole game because he drove. So, what's his point? Jim's a bit of a lightweight, no wonder he's always ordering those weird beers like Fat Tire. |
| 7:48
| Fat Tire is pretty strong according to Jim. All beer can only have 5% as far as Steve knows. Jim's not a beer expert and yet he wants to argue with Steve about it. |
| 7:49
| Steve has messed up the dynamic here by telling Brendan he's talking too much. Now Jim feels nervous because he has to tell the whole story. This has the feel of a Lollapalooza all over again where Pete and Jim collapsed. |
| 7:50
| So Chef took Brendan and Jim down to the lockerroom and they were really excited. Who wouldn't be when you can see Ryan Theriot naked or learn why they call him Big Z. |
| 7:51
| It was actually during the game and they didn't think any players would be there. But then they walked in and Ted Lilly was checking himself out in the mirror. It's unusual to go into the lockerroom when the players aren't there but Hans wanted to show them where he serves the food. Is that on a table? |
| 7:52
| Ryan Dempster was also down there and they got to meet him. Chef talked hockey, did Dempster understand anything he said? Hans introduced Jim and Brendan as Steve's disciples. So that makes Steve sound like the gay one now. The whole team probably knows about it. |
| 7:53
| So Chef shows them where he serves the food, on a table in the kitchen. It's not in the showers? Shocking! Then he brings them out of the lockerroom and gives them autographed baseballs. Were those balls that Hans autographed himself? |
| 7:54
| Caller Andi is someone Steve would way rather talk to than Brendan and Jim. Andi was just in Germany and she had a beer that had 33% alcohol. It was not very good at all, like alcohol molasses. Did she get hammered? Not from that stuff but from other beer. Did she do crazy stuff? |
| 7:55
| Steve's pretty sure that over here beer can only be 5% alcohol. Is it still even beer if it has that much alcohol? Andi was at a place where they make their own stuff so maybe they can just do whatever they want. Were they making beer in a bath tub? Did Andi have any weinerschnitzel? Steve was told Andi has a sweet voice and in fact she does, especially compared to listening to Brendan, choking on his own anatomy. |
| 7:56
| Caller Ben wanted to let Steve know about a beer called Delirium Tremens, it has over 8.5% alcohol and the bottle has little pink elephants on it. There are plenty of beers over 5% alcohol and you can get them at liquor stores. It's always fun to mock someone's addiction. |
| 7:57
| So it is possible that Jim's Spare Tire has more than 5% alcohol because he claims he gets super hammered on just one. When you drink Delirium Tremens it feels like you've done a few shots. Hunter Thompson has a beer out or a beer with his name on it, it's something from Flying Dog Brewery involving Ralph Steadman. |
| 7:58
| Caller Dan wanted to let Steve know that Goose Island brews some small batches of beer that have alcohol content well above 5%. What about the Fat Tire that Jim claims is so hardcore? Does Goose Island make that stuff? |
| 7:59
| Steve doesn't care about Goose Island, they only advertise on XRT. Steve's listeners drink it but they don't advertise. And Jim and Pete drink it too! Only drink the beers that are actively advertising. |
| 8:00
| Jim will of course just have one beer because he's driving. Once again, so? Buzz needs to school his disciple here. From now on we're going to have a drinking contest as part of the job application. Even the cop who stops you will tell you you can have a couple. |
| 8:01
| If you have one beer the cop is going to ridicule you. You'll get pistol-whipped! Fat Tire only has 5.3% alcohol so Jim is a lightweight. |
| 8:02
| Alright it's time for the Eight O'Clock Taco Bell and Jim and Brendan both have their food as well as STeve and Buzz. Today is Weekend Kick-Off and they're having Meximelts which are fantastic. |
| 8:03
| There are stretches of time when Steve only eats Meximelts at Taco Bell. |
| 8:11
| Live read: Joebees |
| 8:12
| Joe Bee is here, as his Brendan. Joe is surprised he can even hear Brendan because of his voice. |
| 8:13
| Joe Bee doesn't have a stinger, he's been wearing a codpiece for his entire life. Buzz doesn't even want to know how bees procreate. We can save that for next week because it's very complicated. |
| 8:14
| Steve's doubling down on the bee pollen and washing it down with a sugar-free Red Bull. He also might have dropped a second Meximelt on himself and he's got a third one waiting. He eats his Meximelts in threes, Buzz knows that. |
| 8:15
| If you're one of the first five people to order today you get a free Joebees t-shirt. Joe is getting the sense that Buzz doesn't like to talk to him with someone else in the room. Is it because Joe doesn't have a stinger? |
| 8:16
| Buzz was actually just planning out some show stuff which he probably shouldn't have been doing. It is a bit disturbing to find out that he doesn't have a stinger though. What is he then? Is he a woman? Is he a man? |
| 8:17
| That stinger was money though, money! Turns out he couldn't have been more wrong about it. He's completely upended by it and Mark Czerniec feels bad for his bit killing but someone had to tell him. |
| 8:18
| Some people have suggested that Joe become a bumble bee but that doesn't work, he's got pollen to sell. He's a guy honey bee and he doesn't have a stinger, unless it's a strap-on. |
| 8:19
| That could be awkward because once Buzz hears "strap-on" he doesn't talk. He doesn't believe in synthetic genitalia. Joe will recover though, he might have now. Let's try. Hey Buzz, it's smooth down here, totally smooth. Touch it! |
| 8:20
| Alright we were in the middle of a story with Jim, Brendan and Chef Hans at the Cubs game. Whatever sucking noises Jim is making he needs to stop. He's not sure what he's doing down there and he doesn't want to know. Jim wasn't aware of it. Is Jim eating something? Is he sucking stuff out of his teeth? |
| 8:21
| Jim's already on the bubble from only having one beer at the game. You can't even get into U.S. Cellular unless you blow a .08. Steve is exempt of course because he has a the AA medallion. Even the kids have to blow a .06 and they won't let you out unless you're at least three times the legal limit. |
| 8:22
| Caller Tiffany has some Fat Tire info. All the guys are here but Tiffany likes being at the meeting. She won't feel that way in a half-hour though. |
| 8:23
| Fat Tire is 5.3% and Tiffany was introduced to it by college friends on the ski team. They'd go to Colorado every year and come back with cases of Fat Tire. At least they were dudes though. Dudes love Fat Tire and it comes in a 22 oz. bottle. It'll get you drunk. Steve will get Tiffany drunk if she wants. |
| 8:24
| The people that Tiffany worked as a nanny for in college owned part of the DIamondbacks and they serve Fat Tire at the park. Is Jim just trying to be Arizona Jim? And Pete is Colorado Pete? What's Pete going to do when Goose Island gets kicked off their island? That's what you get for only advertising on XRT. |
| 8:25
| Tiffany hails from Downers Grove, she works for the tollway. Steve was there recently to get his I-Pass transponder for the license plate. Tiffany can't believe she missed him! |
| 8:26
| Steve loves the open road tolling, it's awesome. They can't tell how fast he's going can they? Tiffany thinks that one day they'll be able to control your speed because they know how fast you get from one toll to the next. In the meantime Steve won't have to slow down to 55. |
| 8:27
| Steve loves 294, it's his favorite road in Illinois and maybe anywhere. It doesn't get any better when it's fully-functioning with no construction and open road tolling. |
| 8:28
| Tiffany is a Sox fan, does she have more than one beer at a game? It's a Sox game, of course she does. You can't get in there without blowing a .08. Tiffany has to say that she's a cute Sox fan. We need more though, it's not on par with the Cubs yet and that's not right. |
| 8:29
| We need better representation but a lot of times they just drag a camera into Jimbo's. They need to do a better job of showing the hot chicks on TV. Steve's been sending Stephanie to the games in his seats because she has big hooters but she hasn't made it on TV. At some point Jim Angio, director of Sox games, needs to take matters into his own hands. |
| 8:30
| We're going to have to finish the story after the break, Steve has to excuse himself to do this live read. Remember when Jim was making that sucking sound and he didn't even know he was doing it. God knows what he's doing down there. He's not with the new intern is he? |
| 8:31
| Jim's nose is stuffed up, he might just be breathing heavy through his nose. Bad cocaine? Jim had one beer at the game but a ton of cocaine, because he was driving. Now it makes sense. Buzz assumed he was sucking on a piece of candy. That's not the name of the intern is it? |
| 8:32
| Live read: Townstone Financial |
| 8:40
| That's Walk Hard, which wasn't as funny as it could have been. The title and the trailer are funnier. The stuff with Tim Meadows doing different drugs is funny though. |
| 8:41
| Steve has to call Jim back because he hung up when we went to break. What's with Jim? He says he didn't hang up, he just put the phone down. |
| 8:42
| Alright so back to the story. Jim and Brendan are at Wrigley and Pete is on too in case he wants to add something. Steve can't in good conscience milk this any more. |
| 8:43
| So Chef Hans peels off after they leave the lockerroom because he's going to the Wolves game with Chef Luigi. So it's Jim and Brendan back at the seats and this is where Jim gets into it with a Brewers fan. Brendan didn't even know Jim had emotions. He wears them on his sleeve for the Cubs. That would be a sleeve that's too tight. |
| 8:44
| As Steve pointed out with the Yankees fans, these Brewers fans acted like they owned the place and they were doing some bad heckling. For example they were saying Geovanny Soto was a bad catcher. But he's new to the league and so far he's been a good catcher. |
| 8:45
| The tipping point was when one of the guys said that Derrek Lee wasn't a good first baseman and any team in the National League would rather have Prince Fielder. So what did Jim do? |
| 8:46
| The guy predicted that a Brewer would steal a base and then Soto gunned him down. So Jim gave him a friendly slap on the bag and said "Nice steal there" and Jim thought it was friendly. But then 8 beers later they were still acting like jerks. |
| 8:47
| One of the guys had that shirt on that said "F the Cubs" but the C and the F were switched around so that's where the guy was coming from. It seems weird to Steve that you'd wear that to someone else's park. |
| 8:48
| So at the end of the game the Cubs are falling apart and these guys were standing up while everyone else is sitting. Some people were asking them to sit down and then Jim yelled at them to sit down but might have used an inflammatory name. |
| 8:49
| Brendan wants to add that one guy was the size of Brian Urlacher. Jim disagrees with that. He should just let Brendan say that, it sounds better if Jim stood up to him. Jim did not throw out a "down in front" first, he just went right to the profanity. Other people were telling him to sit down though. |
| 8:50
| Then the guy with the Cubs t-shirt on starts jawing at Jim and says "why don't you make him?" and JIm didn't want to get thrown out of there. So there's more jawing and they keep talking about it. He's not sure why the smaller friend was defending the bigger guy. Earlier in the game the smaller guy was telling people how much money his friend makes. That's where a Jim should throw out a "get a room". |
| 8:51
| Brendan didn't mind that they were standing up because the girl with them stood up too so he could check her out. Brendan's not the ideal wingman here, he probably should have slipped off and grabbed a cop. |
| 8:52
| Then the game got worse and there was more yelling and the guy wouldn't sit down. HIs girlfriend is trying to get him to sit down as well and Jim and Brendan were talking some smack about the Brewers, no personal stuff. |
| 8:53
| Then the game breaks down the Brewers take the lead and then the Cubs lose and these guys explode. Then Jim tells the guy it's one game and they won't make the playoffs to which he replies that the Cardinals probably will make it in instead. |
| 8:54
| Brendan feels Jim is downplaying how mad he was, he might not be seeing it through his own eyes. Brendan did have to pull Jim down the aisle after the game was over. Jim might not eve know how crazed he was as the first one to introduce the f-bomb. It wasn't the f-bomb though, it starts with a D and ends with a bag. |
| 8:55
| At one point the guy said "well you started it!" They were in Wrigley acting like it was their park. Steve understands and these days it's hard because you can't really punch someone. You have to do things that can't be traced back to you, like a beer spill or an elbow shove. |
| 8:56
| Brendan thinks that had he not been there someone would have been bailing Jim out of jail. You can't punch anyone these days, you have to do stuff that's untraceable. Jim felt better because the guy's girlfriend was trying to get him to stop and he was being a jerk to her. Going after the girlfriend would have been a good tactic and then that forces the guy to go after you. Then she's all alone and Brendan's grinding her at Murphy's. |
| 9:01
| And Pete was not at the Cubs game yesterday because he was feigning an illness? Did he just not want to hang out with Chef Hans, is that it? Had Pet known there would be fisticuffs he probably still would have stayed home. |
| 9:02
| Live read: Discovery Channel |
| 9:03
| Man vs. Wild, that's sort of like Jim at Wrigley Field yesterday. |
| 9:04
| News with Buzz |
| 9:05
| The DC madam is dead. Does this mean they'll release all those names? Buzz has been looking for that info and no one is talking about it yet. On the one hand Steve respects a madam who takes it to the grave but on the other hand he wants to know who's on the list. |
| 9:06
| She said she wouldn't go to jail and was quoted as saying she'd kill herself rather doing time. She didn't give up too many client names though, she was still sitting on some big ones. |
| 9:07
| Hillary Clinton says the U.S. needs to end the war in Iraq and win the war in Afghanistan. |
| 9:08
| Jesse Jackson is finally weighing in on the Barack Obama/Jeremiah Wright controversy. He said the loser of the nomination will determine the winner of the presidency. |
| 9:09
| Steve's pretty sure some people think that Obama has a better chance of beating McCain than HIllary does. |
| 9:10
| An Al-Jazeera cameraman has been released from Guantanamo Bay where he's been held since 2001. |
| 9:11
| Turnout for yesterday's immigration march in Chicago was less than it's been in the last few years but Mayor Daley was there, using his microphone improperly. The audio Buzz had isn't as bad as what Steve heard last night, it was very distorted. |
| 9:12
| Don't get Steve wrong though, he loves the guy. Buzz loves when he gets jacked up in public. He doesn't usually have a way with his word but it seems like he gets more eloquent the more jacked up he gets. |
| 9:13
| The Illinois Compensation Review Board has once again recommended a pay raise for lawmakers, even with the ongoing budget crisis. It comes just a year after state legislators giving themselves a 10% pay raise. |
| 9:14
| On the line is Republican State Senator Frank Watson, who's against the pay raise. We might need to have him call back. Mr. Senator? Frank? Mr. Watson? Maybe he's been silenced already. |
| 9:15
| We've got him back on the line now. They also did something interesting voting down that recall election. So it's no recall and a pay raise. |
| 9:16
| Alright Senator Watson is back on the phone. Buzz is wondering what made him vote against his own pay raise. Steve is guessing it's basic human decency. |
| 9:17
| Frank doesn't think there is anyway they should have pay increase with everything else going on. He wants to see the interest of the state and the people prevail. |
| 9:18
| It seems outrageous that some people are saying they need a pay raise. And you can't throw anyone out of office now because the recall vote bill was shot down. |
| 9:19
| There should be enough people to go up against the pay raise so it probably won't pass. |
| 9:30
| You gotta love that Office. Steve could watch each episode 3 or 4 times at least. |
| 9:31
| Alright it's Peanut Butter Jelly Time. People love that song, everyday Steve gets emails from people wondering where to get it from. One version is on iTunes but it might not be the Family Guy version. |
| 9:32
| Did Pat hear about Jim and Brendan getting into an altercation at the Cubs game? It wasn't really that it was just Jim yelling at some Brewers fans. It seems like Jim got dominated by those two guys. Steve has to school him on other ways to get back at people. |
| 9:33
| Brendan was on to something trying to work the girlfriend but there are a million other things you can do. You can knock into one of them, spill a beer on accident, dump peanut shells into the hood of his sweatshirt. |
| 9:34
| Steve's probably going to see Iron Man this weekend and he imagines Buzz will too. Steve never liked Robert Downey Jr. on SNL, he was a punk, but at some point he turned him around. |
| 9:35
| A couple of months ago Steve was talking about butter distribution in movie theater popcorn. A listener called in with a suggestion about using a straw to funnel the butter into the popcorn and then distributing it throughout the entire container. |
| 9:36
| Steve tried that and it works perfectly. It's a little hard to line up the straw with the nozzle and sometimes it comes out too fast and backs up but once you get it going it works perfectly. |
| 9:37
| Steve might be inventing some sort of apparatus to hook on to the butter nozzle, would Buzz be interested in that? It sounds good but Buzz only does salt. It is hard to get that salt distributed evenly though. You can try to tap it and shake it down but that could go horribly wrong. |
| 9:38
| So Steve just wanted to say that the straw deal worked but it was a little cumbersome and could have gone horribly wrong. So there was some pressure on Steve but he got it done. |
| 9:39
| Caller Bill saw Buzz on TV last night. Was it in the porno Breakfast with Buzz? It was actually Buzz on BET interviewing Maria Muldaur. As in Midnight at the Oasis? There's actually a series of those interviews that Buzz never got paid for. |
| 9:40
| Steve thought it was going to be a fun, exciting thing for Buzz but it's actually a sore point. Buzz was actually hit on by Marie after the interview but he had to decline. Was he married at the time? |
| 9:41
| Buzz had other things going on so he turned her down. She is older than him and at the time she was a prime cougar. Buzz doesn't work older than he is right? |
| 9:42
| When Buzz was younger he could go older but that's sort of out of the question now. A cougar to Buzz would be in a nursing home. |
| 9:43
| That's going to drive Buzz crazy all weekend. Steve thought the call was about Buzz being interviewed on BET by Tavis Smiley or something. It's just Buzz getting ripped off. |
| 9:48
| Live read: Fresh Diet |
| 9:49
| That interview on BET with Buzz is actually on a DVD called Keb Mo and Friends. It doesn't seem like it's that popular, it's up past 30,000 on the sales chart. Buzz will wait until it gets lower before he |
| 9:50
| Also, one of the reasons Buzz might have rejected Maria Muldaur's advances is because he also interviewed her husband. |
| 9:51
| According to what Steve is seeing, Maria Muldaur is only a year older than Buzz. So he is an ageist! He probably had his "niece" waiting out in the audience after the interview. |
| 9:52
| She wasn't really Buzz's niece, her father was Buzz's godfather. So there was no blood relation, no DNA laws violated. Fair enough. |
| 9:53
| The Sox are up in Toronto tonight and the Cubs are down in St. Louis. Will they be rained out, it seems like they've got some bad storms in the area. |
| 9:54
| Lou Piniella stopped just short of a meltdown in the post game yesterday. You could still see what was there though. He probably doesn't want to compete with the Lee Elia rant, especially not this early in the season. |
| 9:55
| Lou's probably ticked at himself because he should have put Reed Johnson in left and took Soriano out. Steve would never take Reed Johnson out, that guy would have caught the ball and wouldn't have gone 0-4. |
| 9:56
| We have audio of Lou's mini-rant, did Pete bleep out the "God"? Because all Lou said was God darnit. Steve thought it was weak that some other stations bleeped it out. |
| 9:57
| Then Lou got up and left the podium, muttering expletives as he left. The Cubs are still in second place and there are a lot of games left. That was the last question Lou got because no one wanted to set off the next rant. Where's The Grobber at? Where's Bruce Levine? |
| 9:58
| Steve likes Lou Piniella. We've got two great, electric managers in Chicago. It's better now that Ozzie is off the sensitivity training. That wrecked the whole season last year. |
| 9:59
| Bret Favre still might come back and play in the NFL next year although it might not be for the Packers. What if he came to the Bears? He'd probably start. |
